Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I've been too lazy to write anything for this blog since I last posted here.

So the second semester has just begun. Shorter period of time to be spent in heavier-than-heavy-metal subjects. One happy note, though--this would be the last semester I'd be spending as a college undergraduate. God has got me this far by His grace, and for that I'm more than grateful. Despite difficulties of all kinds (especially financial and personal), I can say that I know I'll finish this race in victory. Of course, I can't say that I have been able to do everything on my own.

My "primadonna" muse, as one classmate of mine describes her, has been bugging me since my second short story. Now it's another novel that I'm not sure if I could finish (In both two decades of my existence I was only able to finish one 13-chapter novella). And I'm not even sure if I would want to finish it. Like my second short story, this novel is very psychological and erotic. As much as I want to publish it online, I can never risk the conscience of people who might read it and get disappointed and/or angry with me since I'd never, ever written any sensuous literature piece until I had written my first "sensuous" poem back in third year college (because of a personal problem). Bugged again by one old addiction, I decided to give writing my new novel a try--I really needed an outlet for all my self-anger and guilt, especially now that I seem to procrastinate in trying to fight it. You know the feeling when you try preserving your relationship with God (of course, no one does it perfectly--but God himself! Maybe I've just been insisting to have my own way) but then you fail--and most of the time, intentionally? If you do, you might understand.

These days I've just realized that I've been too OC. I always wanted something to do--shopping, fixing things, doing school projects, whatever--and when I don't have anything to do, I feel quite restless. Is it because I'm stressed with my problems? Not really... I just find it weird because I am naturally a lazybutt. And even if I'm OC, I still choose what stuff to do, so you have no choice but to let me do my thing if I don't feel like doing my homework! :P And in speaking of being OC, I feel like creating a WordPress account (again), but then I chose not to because that would mean leaving or deleting this blog. I can't bear deleting some good posts here.

Honestly, I feel like I'm being worse everyday :'( Pray for me if you care.

And anyway, I'm sorry for making this a hodgepodge post--and for the em-dash and parentheses abuse.

Now playing: Underoath - Unsound

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